If Manchester United have been pretty poor in the transfer market over recent years, then they have been absolutely diabolical in their transfer announcement videos.
We all remember (unfortunately) the painstaking clip of Alexis Sanchez playing the piano in his own announcement - which ironically proved to be the only decent thing he did in a Man Utd shirt.
Not to mention the whole #Pogback marketing ploy upon the re-signing of Paul Pogba - another sound investment.
Home. #POGBACK pic.twitter.com/N0irgKbuv5
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) August 8, 2016
So the Red Devils should probably think twice before creating an extravagant video to celebrate landing Portuguese star Bruno Fernandes from Sporting.
But if they were to release another cutting-edge clip, how would they go about it?
90min investigates some of the cringiest options at Man Utd's disposal.
Old Man Bruno
We all know this deal has been one of the most protracted and painful negotiations in football history, and each one of us feels like we've aged considerably since the flirting between club and player began.
So, Man Utd decide to dress Bruno Fernandes up in old-man clothes, pipe in hand and slippers on feet, whilst donning a mask and white beard. Bruno hobbles through the Old Trafford reception area with the aid of a walking stick, and asks for directions to the conference room.
Confused, the staff point him in the correct direction, where a group of puzzled journalists are awaiting the Fernandes announcement. As the Portuguese grandad steps towards the desk, he stumbles and falls behind it. The journalists rush to their feet to help, but before they can lend a hand, Fernandes is back up, mask and beard removed while wearing full Man Utd kit, doing keepy-uppies in his slippers.
The journalists applaud, and Fernandes simply says "age is but a number", and turns around to show his chosen squad number for the Red Devils.
Ed Dead Redemption
With all the grief and mindless attacks that Ed Woodward has suffered of late, it would be nice for Man Utd to credit their sporting director with this marquee signing.
The camera pans around a packed conference room, where Woodward and Fernandes are sitting, smiling and chatting nonchalantly. The coolest of cucumbers.
As Bruno puts pen to paper, an excited journalists asks, "Ed, how did you do it? How did you manage to pull off the deal of the century?"
Woodward looks up, stares the journalist dead in the eye and utters calmly, "I'm the boss."
The image freezes on Woodward's victorious face. Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre's 'The Next Episode' begins to sound in the background as an illegal cigarette and shades plant themselves on the sporting director's face.
"Your sporting director would never dare land Bruno Fernandes - but Ed Woodward would," reads the caption.
Support Ed every day.
Bruno Overload
How can you get the message across that Bruno is signing?
The video begins in darkness, with the beat of Bruno Mars' 'Uptown Funk' pulsing in the background. Suddenly, the figure of Strictly Come Dancing judge Bruno Tonioli appears on the screen, jiving to the funky beats, and he shouts 'It's not me!"
To the horror of every Man Utd supporter, Stoke City defender Bruno Martins Indi walks in stage right, pauses - then kisses the Potters' badge. "It's not me," he echoes.
As Martins Indi exits, the camera pans to a punchbag with Carlos Tevez's face emblazoned upon it, and legendary boxer Frank Bruno takes a break from his rigorous routine to pant: "It's not me."
Finally, the camera spins to show Bruno Fernandes pulling on his Man Utd shirt, and then - he smiles. "It's me."
Iconic.
Ronaldo #2
In 2003, undoubtedly one of the greatest players in Man Utd's history arrived from Sporting Lisbon. Cristiano Ronaldo made the leap from Portugal and went on to make history. Why not chuck some pressure on Bruno?
The video screen is split vertically down the middle, with both halves showing the fast feet of a Sporting star, dancing beyond tackle after tackle. The camera pans upwards, and the face of a young Ronaldo greets us on the left, whilst Bruno Fernandes stares into our souls on the right.
The Ronaldo video then flashes clips of the legend lifting trophy after trophy in the Man Utd red, showing reels of his greatest ever goals for the Premier League giants.
The Fernandes half goes black. But from the darkness, Bruno appears, the Red Devils' badge glowing like a beacon of light on his chest.
"It's my turn."
Flare Player
Manchester United Breaking News!
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The second is - you guessed it - Bruno Fernandes himself. Woodward passes the flare symbolically to Fernandes, who turns to the camera and says "Manchester is Red."
Fin.
Source : 90min