You need a sense of humour in this peculiar world. How else would you deal with the fact you can buy edible underwear with a 48-inch waistband?
That sort of disturbing discovery (thank you, alert reader) prompts either screams or laughter, but it's far better to chuckle if you can. The trick is to be armed with a wry grin and a dry gin.
To demonstrate the point further let me tell you a joke. It's quite funny, too.
Manchester United have solemnly informed the Daily Mirror that we will be excluded from joining the official party travelling to the club's next European match because - and I am not making this up - we said their misfiring striker Diego Forlan had the "finishing skills of Norman Wisdom". Apparently, Forlan took offence at the suggestion, and a club spokesman called one of my colleagues earlier this week to impose this unusual banning order. We haven't stopped laughing since.
A couple of things immediately spring to mind:
1. Does Forlan really know who Norman is? It's hard to imagine the comic has a huge following in Uruguay.
2. And shouldn't it be Sir Norman Wisdom who takes offence at this comparison? After all, he is a much-loved knight of the realm, while Forlan is a long way from that target...which should be a familiar feeling for him.
Look, we know all football clubs hate criticism and comment. But they are veering into the realms of outright paranoia when they start objecting to humour.
Apparently, the United view is this kind of remark should not be included in a match context, but that it is acceptable for some humorous and sarcastic barbs "to be included in a column like Des Kelly's".
So, buoyed up by that official endorsement from the club itself, I bring you the latest Forlan song being sung in the pubs near Old Trafford.
It was sent in to me by the good folk of the Red Issue fanzine, demonstrating it is not some nasty Mirror singling out Mr Forlan for undue attention, but rather a newspaper reflecting the astonishment of the paying public that a player who shoots as if he put his boots on the wrong feet really cost £7.5million.
It is sung to the unforgettable tune of D.I.S.C.O. by the band Ottawan. All together now:
D..I..E..G..O..
D..I..E..G..O..
He is:
D: Disappointing;
I: Ineffective;
E: Empty-handed;
G: ****ing Goalless; he is;
O: 'Opeless.
I think Forlan would prefer the Norman Wisdom gag.
The strange thing is that United fans have been pretty supportive of Forlan's struggles to hit something more worthwhile than the cups of Coca-Cola held by people sitting behind the goal. They all see he is trying and they all see he his willing, but they also know he runs with the intensity and effectiveness of a dog chasing its own tail.
And while they cheered him when he stepped up to break his 26-game duck with a meaningless late penalty, it's obvious Forlan is a desperately lightweight weapon and that is not going to be enough to topple Arsenal on home soil, or Real Madrid in Europe for that matter.
United must know this, which is why they are blaming everyone but themselves and indulging in more finger-pointing than when a plane goes over Norfolk.
Newspapers certainly did not rob Forlan of his self-belief. The truth is, he started badly and his confidence evaporated every time he sent the stewards scurrying for cover with another attempt on goal. Rather than worry about whether Norman Wisdom is an appropriate comparison, United should be more concerned about the wisdom of dumping Teddy Sheringham, Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke and replacing them with a player who impersonates Jordi Cruyff wearing a Karel Poborsky wig.
Trying to put the squeeze on a paper for alluding to this glaring inadequacy in United's bid for honours is pretty pathetic and normally I wouldn't bother to drone on at length about such a silly media spat. They happen all the time.
But it indicates the level of control these big clubs would like to exert on the media. It's not enough to ban access, to vet every question and insulate themselves from the real world. It's not enough to employ PAs and PRs whose only recognisable purpose is to be obstructive.
It's not enough to have their own television station and the predictably anodyne coverage that ensues. It's not even enough to have a local newspaper journalist or two in their back pocket. United are now investigating the possibility of controlling the photographs that come out of Old Trafford. That means you might not be able to see the next elbowing controversy, the next scuffle, because it doesn't suit the corporate image. Think of that when they tell you what jokes are acceptable. And laugh in their faces. Because, if it happens, we'll be using pictures of Norman Wisdom instead.