'There are some headlines you never expect to see in print. Like: Florentino Pérez tells truth about forthcoming transfer. George W. Bush utters coherent sentence. And Telefónica technician turns up at appointed time.
Or Deadly Diego Forlán does it again.
But that was exactly the headline splashed across the papers like Bolognese on a white shirt on Monday morning. Well, maybe not exactly, but only because the headlines were, in fact, even better for the scraggy haired Uruguayan.
For, if AS's offering of Forlán puts Levante in trouble was a bit rubbish - which it most certainly was - Marca raced to the rescue with: No one can stop Forlán!
No, really - and rightly so, too. Because no one can stop Diego Forlán at the moment. Last weekend, he welcomed in 2005 with two as Villarreal thrashed FC Barcelona 3-0 and then on Sunday night he scored two more as they defeated Spain's other, but not quite so good blue-and-purples, Levante, by 4-2.
The first came courtesy of a header from right under the bar after Guayre had been left with so much time that, as one match reporter put it, "he could have taken out his Sunday kit and prepared his lunch", and in truth his second wasn't from all that much further out.
Forlán was, said AS, the "crack", or superstar, while Marca rightly gave him three out of three. It was no fluke, either: Sunday's game was the fourth game in a row that Forlán had scored, his fourth goal in two matches - giving him a pair of braces the envy of big-trousered clowns everywhere - and his eleventh of the season. That's the same number as Ronaldo.
Forlorn no more, Forlán has found the perfect home at Villarreal, a club so Latin American it could feature in one of those irritating Baccardi adverts.'