‘The BBC used to send two taxis to collect celebrity guests. True. The first would pick up the star at his hotel and drive him to the studio, the second followed in case the chauffeur car broke down. This occurred in what would be known within the broadcasting industry as the good old days, before blank-faced accountants with degrees, calculators for brains and an old-fashioned sense of responsibility towards money that was not their own, looked at the bills and said: “We are doing what?” Still, it is nice to know some industries remain defiantly unreconstructed. In football, for instance, the good old days are happening right now.
’Did you see how much Manchester United paid to agents last year? Contained within the accounts detailing United’s payment of £5.5 million to agents last year (a minimum figure, potentially rising to £8.5 million including bonuses and excluding the £1.5 million Paul Stretford creamed from the Wayne Rooney transfer, which will be included in next year’s figures) is the small matter of £331,000 due to Rodger Linse, agent for Ruud van Nistelrooy. The striker has been a United player for three years now, so how can Linse still be owed such a large sum? It turns out to be the tip of the iceberg.
’The total money owed to Linse actually stands at £1.202 million, payable in instalments, and represents his cut of Van Nistelrooy’s new contract. Signing for United is indeed the gift that keeps on giving. Not only are agents rewarded for playing matchmaker, they are on a retainer for keeping the happy couple together. Surely, United do not pay Linse to refrain from hawking their contracted player around Europe, creating trouble? A cynic would say that if this were the case, it deserves another word: blackmail.
’Linse will pocket £1.2 million for keeping a player who says that he wants to stay at a club that says it wants to keep him. If he signed M. Mouse at the bottom of the agreement, it could not be a greater affront.
’Is this common practice? We cannot know. United are the only Premiership club to release precise details of payments to agents. Arsenal, Chelsea and the rest have no intention of following suit. Unless we are to presume that those in charge at United are staggeringly stupid, we must believe that transparency would reveal similar wastefulness throughout English football.
’Yet not all clubs are created equal and for United to be so dependent on agents is bizarre. If Steve Gibson at Middlesbrough needs to use third parties to entice Michael Reiziger from Barcelona or Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink from Chelsea, that is understandable. What makes little sense is that United spend inordinate sums to attract players who would walk over hot coals for a place on the staff at Old Trafford. Louis Saha spent several weeks agitating for a move from Fulham and when the bidding topped £12 million, his chairman seemed happy to see him go, too. Why then did agents slice £750,000 from his deal?
’The same with Cristiano Ronaldo, signed from Sporting Lisbon, with whom United have an arrangement as a feeder club. In the circumstances, if any transaction could have been completed person to person, it was this one; but no, United still handed £1.1 million to Giovanni Branchi to act as go-between. There is not a single player bought by United in the past year who would not have viewed the move as a promotion, so why has it taken £8.5 million of arm-twisting to bring these players to the club?
’The more transparent football gets, the more opaque its customs become. Magnier and McManus compiled 99 questions about United’s finances, but their document could have been as easily expressed in one line: what are these people doing for all this money?
’That question could also be extended to David Gill, the chief executive, and his board members. Gill’s life at the top may not be as hectic as one thinks. The manager runs the team; the marketing and commercial department promote the club; United also have a financial director, Nick Humby, controlling cash streams.
‘So Gill is there for the big stuff: identifying and appointing the manager, negotiating contracts, buying players. Yet United have had the same manager since November 1986, more than £8 million is spent in a year paying third parties to facilitate the buying of players and, as for contracts, apparently give £1.2 million to Linse and he sorts it out.
’If United really were to cut out the middleman, the only chap queuing at the Jobcentre would be Gill.’