Manchester United fans have no gratitude; they are a bunch of miserable, hypocritical, whingeing b*stards. These are the people who are too stupid to acknowledge the part Martin Edwards has played in making United the biggest club in the world. Their hostility would make it impossible for Edwards to walk out into the centre circle at Old Trafford.
But then these are also the losers who booed Andy Cole, who have no gratitude for the way he fired us to the treble in 1999, and also booed our brilliant defender Mikaël Silvestre when he first arrived. Unfortunately this attitude is the result of experiencing a lot of success and I understand
I really wanted Rupert Murdoch to take control of United a few years ago but, partly because of the attitude of United fans, he didn't. Murdoch would have been good because he's a "why not" person, "a let's do it" type. I don't like the economics of the Glazer takeover, the amount of debt involved, but the way the fans have reacted is depressing. Malcolm Glazer brought success to the Buccs in
One area where I totally agree with the Glazers is over ticket prices; they have to rise. Paying just pounds 450 for a season ticket at Old Trafford is living in a socialist paradise; it's just not realistic. The trouble is the fans are non-appreciative people who inhabit a socialist dreamworld and they can't understand that just a 10% annual rise in ticket prices for the next few years would pay for everything the team needs. OK, 10% is above inflation but prices have been artificially low for a long time and there is a 50,000-strong waiting list for season tickets. Just ask me about getting a season ticket. In the early 80s I stopped going to Old Trafford for two years because the booing of Ray Wilkins was so unpleasant and got me so upset. When I returned, it took me five years to get my old place back.
If I was advising the Glazers I'd tell them that, when some building work is getting done around Old Trafford, on one of the stands perhaps they should put a 100ft advertising board on the scaffolding which, instead of trying to sell iPods or something, would be a reproduction of the front page of Red Issue in March 1990, which was emblazoned with the words "Alex Out". It's only thanks to Martin Edwards that Alex Ferguson kept his job when the fans wanted him fired, so it would be a good way for the Glazers to remind United's supporters they've got things wrong before.
And, of course, bringing Wayne Rooney here was just wonderful. Rooney is the sort of player who will thrive in the culture of this club. which is all about encouraging natural talent like his and Cristiano Ronaldo's and Rio Ferdinand's - whom I like and don't blame for playing it cool over his contract.
In terms of culture we're a bit like Tottenham used to be. But sometimes playing good football hasn't been enough. I remember one year my best friend, the graphic designer Peter Saville (also a United fan), said: "I think we're a bit like a Ferrari this season: we look good but I don't know how far down the road we'll get."
Unlike Liverpool - whom I hate almost as much as I hate
One of the times I've felt most desperate was when Real Madrid knocked us out at Old Trafford in 2000, when Redondo was fantastic in midfield for Real and ran the game. It was a serious disappointment. I'm not bothered about us winning the Premiership; I'm bored with it. We've won so many that all I care about is finishing in the top four and qualifying for