WHAT WERE YOU DOING OUT LAST NIGHT?

A sad old reader mails in:

"My missus just texted me to say Forlan is drinking in posh bar at Midland tonight, which conveniently is full of highclass blue chip PR girls at an awards dinner.

"Am awaiting possible totty action report though no doubt he'll fail to score there too. [By the way, am I old fashioned, or shouldn't he still be in purdah-shame until he gets a few goals? Oh well. Hairbands in football. Shudder."

Cheers for that and no doubting who wears the trousers in your relationship, stuck home on a Thursday night.

Meanwhile just what IS Forlan doing out on a Thursday before a match anyway???

David Beckham has apparently been given a week's holiday after breaking his rib. Presumably to deal with imminent bomb threats or some such. From the Sun:

David Beckham is using a fleet of armour-plated BMWs worth £450,000 to protect his family.

The England soccer skipper is driving a powerful 540i which has a bullet-proof body, glass and tyres.

Wife Victoria, 28, is using a 750i which has been fitted with heavy armour designed to withstand a direct hit from a BAZOOKA.

And the family's ex-SAS minders have been given an armoured BMW X5 4x4.

The Beckhams are testing the motors with a view to buying them.

A source close to Becks, 27, said: "In the current climate David isn't taking any chances and is sparing no expense to make sure he and is family are safe."

Becks was loaned the three cars by BMW after the scare and has been giving them an extensive try-out before placing an order.

The source said: "He, Victoria and the security team are effectively test driving the cars and will almost certainly go ahead and buy them."

As part of his security plans, Becks has been fitted for a £1,000 bullet-proof vest.